LAPM-Step Two

“I want some Peace and Quiet!”

I remember my mom yelling this when I was younger.  I remember thinking, isn’t Peace and Quiet the same thing.  (Yeah, I was that kid.  I think I may have said that once to her, and have had to mentally blocked out the maternal response. *laugh)

As a mom of three boys, I realize, now,  that NO Peace and Quiet are definitely two completely different things.  I am always tickled when my girlfriends with no children, or who have daughters come to my house.  We will sit very peacefully downstairs. All of a sudden their is a roll of thunder that takes place upstairs where the boys are playing.  My girlfrieds immediately stare at me with startled worry, saying, “You think everything is okay?”  I take one more sip of my coffee, and very peacefully say, “Absolutely.  That noise did not come with total quiet–which means something broke, nor was it that “someone got hurt” noise.”  Inevitably, they respond with something akin to “I don’t know how you do it.”

Peace and Quiet are not the same things, ladies.  Step two to a life after Poor Me is to get quiet.  Silence your mouth.  Still your nervous body.  But above all, quiet your mind.  Quit replaying all the travesty of your marriage in your own mind, AND definitely quit replaying it for everyone else.  Stop rehashing all the old arguements with your soon to be ex.  Cease re-living and, thus, creating new scenarios to continue the argument.  Get to a point where you have said everything you can say about this situation.  (Okay, I know this sounds impossible, but its really not.  At somepoint, it is simply what it is.)

Last week, we discussed Peace.  We discussed that finding peace took a measure of forgiveness–a high price to pay–but that it was worth it for the ability to move forward in our lives.  Once we find peace, quiet has to be restored.  When Jesus calmed the storm, it was so that he could allow the disciples time to reflect on their own thoughts and behaviours during the storm.  Let’s read a clip:

Matthew 8:

²³Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. ²⁴Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

²⁶He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. ²⁵“Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.

Luke 8

²²One day Jesus said to his disciples, “Let’s go over to the other side of the lake.” So they got into a boat and set out. ²³As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger.

²⁴The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”

He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. ²⁵“Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples.

That boat was going to make it to its destination.  It was not time for Jesus to die. So, if for no other reason, they should have rested more reasonably, more peacefully, during that storm.  They did not.  They went plum crazy mentally envisioning themselves drowning, etc.

Post-relationship, we are in a torrent of emotions.  We are second guessing our decisions.  We are wondering if  little Billy is acting out because he’s acting out, or because of the separation.  We are wondering back over all the marital issues wondering if we could have done something differently.  We are fussing about monetary needs/strains.  Separating doesn’t just mean he loses the kids “all the time.”  It means we, mothers,  lose the kids “all the time” as well.   How does a woman who has been married for 10 years with 3 kids all of a sudden create a social life that DOES NOT involve a kid date? (btw, if you figure this one out, please let me know.)  We miss our kids. We wonder…I mean the list is LONG.  Our mind is a constant roll of thunder.

While we might be at peace with our decisions to separate and divorce, our mind is still a storm of worries, thoughts and regrets.  This keeps us mired in “Poor Me.”  At all costs, we must quiet ourselves.  We must find our “calm.”

Imagine Jesus speaking into your spirit, into your mind, “Calm yourself.”  Those words can replace whatever hullabaloo your mind has kicked up.  I promise you, going over that email that your husband sent that woman one more time in your mind is not, I repeat IS NOT, going to give you new insight into why he sent it.  Nor is it going to make you feel any better about him having sent it.  I promise you, worrying about how you are going to pay for the dentist appointmen this month is not going to get it paid.  Calm your mind and a solution will come. (Or, at least you will get the will to have to ask their Dad. We’ll go over this issue here shortly as well, stay tuned.)

Once you have calmed yourself, once quiet has come in place of the storm,  Reflect.  “Where is your Faith?”

In the storm it is difficult to see where you have placed your faith.  I will share with you a bit of a testimony to illustrate this point.  I grew up in an unstable environment.  The overriding lesson of my childhood, it seemed,  was that if my father was more of a husband and father, we would have had more stability, ergo, more opportunities for success.  It was not until I got older that saw this for the crock of sh@# it was.  My mother’s children are all doing remarkably well.  My mother stood on the Rock of Gibraltar.  I mean she was the calm in the turbulent ocean.  She made everything ok simply by standing on faith that it has no choice but to be okay.  Consequently, as children, we knew and understood that while it might be hard, IT WILL BE OK.
As the proces of maturity would have it, however, I did not realize this until I was older(that is why it is called “maturity”, I am sure).  Negative behavior patterns had set in and taken root.  Specifically, what set it for me was that a man was required for their to be true stability in my home.  During a meditative retreat, God spoke deeply into my storm thrown heart.  He said to me, “Do you trust me?”  He held out his hand to ask me to get out of the boat.  Okay, this ocean was not the calm lake that Peter walked out on. This was a full blown hurricane out in the ocean, complete with titanic waves, and water spouts.  “Do you trust me?  Where is your faith?” He said again, as I looked about my life worriedly.

I looked Him square in the eye; I took His hand; and I walked out into the ocean.  The unbelieveable thing, sisters, that I want to share with you is this:  Once I stepped out there with Him, the ocean was  calm.  I mean there was only the natural ripple of life under the sea. It was wonderful.  The, He said to me,
“All your life you looked for stability outside of Me, and I am jealous.  Will you try me this time?”

Please, girls, do not read this as Vida saying God advocates for divorce.  I am not saying anything so petty.  I am saying something more significant.  I am saying that no matter what you are going through, quiet your mind and allow God to speak into it.  While you mind is in turmoil, it can not receive the wisdom that the Holiness of God wants to impart to you.  While you have peace, allow the quiet to calm your spirit and hear what God is trying to say to you.  Find your center of faith; have you misplaced it?  Only in the calm and quiet will you find it again.  Its always in the eye of the storm.

Thank you for listening.

Vida